New Life

Every morning I pray that Saul will write to me, just so I know he is alive. The not knowing is tearing me apart. Nurse Lacy keeps saying stress is bad for the baby. When she says this, I want to throw my breakfast tray at her, thinking how easy it must be for someone to say that who’s been in America the entire war. I don’t hold it against her, though. I know stress is bad for the baby. She’s just trying to be helpful.

It’s been six months since Saul and I parted. I have replayed so many times the conversation we had in Stockholm the night before I left that it has become as regular as my heartbeat. I can see Saul’s face even now as I lie back in bed with my eyes closed and it’s like he’s right here beside me, saying it all over again:“I promise, I will follow soon and we will marry and start a new life. I will find electrician work in Sweden and save up enough money to find a place for us to live in America.”We made love by the port that night, right out in the open, something I never would have done before the war. It felt like a statement: We had survived and had not forgotten how to love. The next morning, my sister Hannah and I boarded the ship to New York City and waved to Saul from the deck.I have not heard from him since.

I discovered that I...