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Wake Up Mom

40m read

Wake Up Mom

by Eldad Cohen Published in Issue #30 Translated from Hebrew by Sondra Silverston
(Excerpt from a Novel)
AdolescenceChildhoodJerusalem
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If there’s a hole in one leg of my pants, I cut a hole in the other leg. If the hole I cut is bigger than the first hole, I go back and make the first hole a little bigger so it’ll be the same size as the hole I cut in the second leg of my pants. If the first hole is bigger than the hole in the second leg of my pants, I make the second hole bigger so it’ll be the same size as the hole in the first leg of my pants. Sometimes this happens on the way to school, when I’m sitting in the back seat because my mom won’t let me sit in the front seat, at least until my bar mitzvah. We drive to school, and I’m busy with my pants the whole time. Sometimes when I get to school, my pants are completely torn apart. You’re not allowed to walk around school in your underwear. That’s a rule everyone has to obey. Even the principal isn’t allowed to walk around in his underwear. So my mom has to make a U-turn and drive back to the Machane Yehuda market, where we live, because there’s no place to buy pants near the school, even though such a big neighborhood deserves to have a store that sells pants.
That’s why my mom is late again for her class and afterwards has to listen to the principal shout at her that he will not tolerate tardiness. Certainly...

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